I would like to pat myself on the back, I successfully achieved my New Year’s resolution for 2011 along with a resolution I made in 2004, so just a few year’s behind schedule, I’ll take it. Join me if you will in looking back at some of my recent resolutions and how I did with them before we get to what may be our last New Year’s resolution, cue Busta Rhyme’s Intro.
2011 – Increase credit score, pay off all past due accounts – Success
2010 – Get out of debt – Failed
2009 – Get out of debt – Failed
2008 – Buy a house – Failed
2007 – Don’t fall in love – Success
2006 – Buy a house – Failed
2005 – Move back to Texas – Success
2004 – Apply and go to law school – Failed and failed
2003 – Do things for me – Success
2002 – Have more sex – Success
2001 – Don’t drop out of college – Success
2000 – Win New England’s – Success
Ah the memories, good times, apparently when my resolution involves reality and a plan I do quite well, imagine that. Sure I’ve thrown in the work out more, stop drinking soda, eating fast food, jerking off, what have you, but usually I do those for lent and it’s punishment enough, those are things I enjoy and are more applicable to sacrifice and lent, whereas resolutions are about making my life better. So 2012 will it be the year I buy a house? No. Perhaps the year I get out of debt completely? No. This year will be the year I come to grips completely with who I am and stop trying to be someone I’m not. The year that I stop worrying about what kids I haven’t seen in 10+ years may or may not think about me. I’m going to care less. My resolution is to be happy with who I am.
Who is the Batman?
I know, you’re so disappointed in me, where’s the fun in that? Dude, you’re 30, shouldn’t you have figured that out by now? Meh, in a word, probably. But I’ve cared what others have thought about me for too long. And I don’t really know why. How does this affect you? I know you’re wondering if you should stick around or if this site is going to get all sappy now, because that’s not what you signed on for, right? No, it just means I’ll filter even less, which means more sex, more humor, more rants, more confessions, more little ball of hate. So, here’s to 2012. Cue Governor William J. Le Petomane… harrumph
This week I’ve had quite a few friends tell me they are really down because they’re alone during the holiday season. They’re dreading going to a New Year’s Eve Party because they have no one to kiss at midnight. It’s so frustrating to hear. I’ve never been a huge New Year’s Eve person, I’ve never understood society’s love affair with it or why Hollywood and the media make it out to be so much more than it is. Cuz like, that’s like their opinion man.
My best NYE was spent in Sydney and it was the best because of the scene, not because I spent it with anyone. I believe I spent it with a girl named Rose, but I can’t be certain. I believe we kissed at midnight, but even if it were the world’s greatest kiss, the kind that lasts for three days, it wouldn’t have made me think I have to be with someone on New Year’s.
For people to seriously dread a day because they aren’t in a relationship says a lot about both people and society. That we put so much into what people should or shouldn’t do, what is normal and therefore what is best for people, when that’s not the case. People are different, people like different things. And for every happy couple that is together on New Year’s there are probably just as many that aren’t happy but felt they had to be in a relationship because that’s what society says. Is being alone easy? Not always, but being alone can be better than being in a relationship where you deserve better. So to those of y’all who are dreading New Year’s, try and remember a few things. Being alone can be better than being with the wrong person. If you stop trying to force something and stop looking, you may relax and have something wonderful fall right in your lap. I don’t want to get your hopes up, because you might not too, but you will certainly learn more about yourself and realize things you can do and enjoy that can make you happy outside of being with someone. What is it that makes you long for someone? Can those be fulfilled in other ways?
I suggest you make New Year’s a holiday much like Thanksgiving. Don’t look at what you don’t have or what you think you want, but look at what you have and make that special. Start a tradition, do something with a close friend or your children and let them know how much you care or maybe do something completely by yourself for yourself. Create something so memorable for you that others hear about it and are like, that’s pretty cool. So many people say they drink champagne and kiss at midnight, but what about taking a road trip somewhere, toasting with a cup of hot chocolate and giving your child a hug. Not only do you show them how much they mean to you, but they realize New Year’s doesn’t have to be about the endless search for love that so many think it is.
And if you’re out there and you’re still hung up on the idea of kissing someone, go to just about any bar and plant one on someone that is not kissing someone. They aren’t hard to spot, they’re the ones that aren’t kissing someone.
While watching the Holiday last week I realized that Cameron Diaz‘s body looks a lot like mine around 18. So much so that I decided I would introduce a new game, Cameron Diaz or curious college boy. Basically, I’ll just post a picture and you can vote or comment as to whether or not it is Cameron Diaz or a curious college boy. I’ll start with an easy one.
Turns out a person is obese if they are 20% over normal weight and morbidly obese if they are 50-100% over the norm. So if someone is supposed to weigh 100 lbs and they weigh 120, they are obese?! I’m not sure I agree with that at all. I do think we have a huge issue in the United States with health and diets, and my soda and fast food consumption will probably lead to some form of diabetes, but I’m an active person and if I started getting shapes I would get on one of these and that would be the end of it.
I think there are some people that may not be able to help it, and I can only imagine one reaches a point where it becomes embarrassing so they choose to do nothing, but in a country where we provide support systems and aide to those with illegal habits, and speaking as someone who has not always said the nicest things about overweight persons, shouldn’t we do more for people who aren’t doing anything illegal? Just like an addict, change on that level may not be easy. Maybe it’s because I have always been of the mindset that these people are lazy they don’t deserve help, when laziness may not even come into play for some that want to change. I’m not going to get into the thyroid or genetics debate. But for some reason I woke up this morning and thought, for people who aren’t lazy and who want help and to change, but taking the first step isn’t as easy as it may sound to walk into a doctors office, a Jenny Craig or the gym, shouldn’t there be a number they can call with someone who will come help them out? If this number exists then shouldn’t it be advertised more?
The other night, while staying up way past my bedtime going through Buzz’s private things (thankfully he didn’t come out and pound me), I watched one of those proactiv commercials. I’ve always had a handsomely perfect face, aside from a three-headed monster earlier this year that just wouldn’t die, but other parts of my body that can be hidden with clothes haven’t always been so lucky. Being more interested in the Lindsay Lohan pictorial, that I did not believe was her until I located her freckles, I didn’t think much on the commercial. However, the next day I randomly twatted, oh yeah, I tweet by the way, you should follow me here, I twatted at proactiv asking if it worked on the buttocks. I picked a random name and it happened to be theirs and they twatted back that they do indeed have something for the buttocks! I know eww gross/f yeah, right? My thoughts exactly, my derriere can now be flawless too. Stop thinking about it, I don’t actually need it for my buttocks, just a razor, I could use proactiv on my upper back, not sure what that’s about.
Side note, Lindsay should not be a blonde, it just doesn’t work for her, well I’m sure she still pulls a lot of snatch, but she’s no Marilyn, then again, not many are.
Eh govna, *wink*, know what I mean? Ju likey? Does that do anything for any of y’all? Would it if I told you it was Rosie O’Donnell? Well, it used to do something for me, but I can’t explain why, other than maybe the outfit or the badge or maybe it was just the movie, Exit to Eden was about sex. I’ll also confess to watching her show and also to watching Ellen’s talk show too from time to time.
If you’re lost you can look, and you will find me
time after time
If you fall I will catch you, I’ll be waiting
time after time*
I had a slight crush on Ellen, really can’t explain that one. But for several years I thought she would be the greatest date ever. I mean think about it, random dance parties anywhere, she can look great when she wants to, her stand-up is hilarious, she is very successful, she likes women, I like women, we could end up with another woman, or nothing at all. I mean, all in all it just sounded like it would be a blast.
I’m so sorry about that picture at the top, but in order to truly confess and for you all to understand it was necessary. Here, look at this to get your stomach back.
* Cyndi Lauper – Time after time
For those of y’all that partake in the Christmas festivities, do you ever find yourself reflecting on the power of the nice list? The things you would seriously freak out about and beg your parents not to tell Santa because you didn’t want to end up on the naughty list? Sure few of us were perfect and we did a thing here or there that could have put us on the naughty list but nothing major. Yet, our parents could hold it over us the closer we go to Christmas just to make sure we would be on our best behavior when they needed it.
Now as adults, sure we may not care about the nice list or factor it into our daily lives in that it can’t control our actions, but we actually have come to grips with our naughty side. It’s like, hey now, there are some naughty things that I don’t think Santa would have thought were all that naughty. Ever wonder why this or any variation of it, is such a turn on?
Yeah, I can’t really explain it, being that Santa is an old chubby man and Mrs. Claus has never been depicted in the likes of Marilyn Monroe or Betty Page, so why? Yes it’s revealing but lots of outfits are. What’s the point here? Why does a holiday based on the pureness and the birth of a savior, that preaches morality and being as close to sin free as possible, target the lustful side of adults as we age? Yes many of us love to give during the holidays and that is wonderful. Who doesn’t like to give? What’s that? You’re not into the sexy girl outfit above? Okay, I’ll oblige, here, does this do anything for you?
I mean, I can’t think of anyone I know that wants to run out and have their way with Santa or Mrs. C, aside from the warped chick in Bad Santa, so what is it? What is it about us as we grow up that embraces the inner naughty side. The part of us that wants a lady on the street and a freak in the bed?
Isn’t there a Santa, Satan debate out there? Same letters, the red thing, some people do nice things just so they get what they want? Venturing into a religious area I didn’t want to touch on today. Back on track, so the naughty side of adults, at Christmas time particularly, what gives?